birthday realizations...

so, another year came and went.

i celebrated my birthday a week ago.

i always think it's kinda funny when people call on your birthday and ask, "so... how does it feel?"

am i supposed to feel any different than the day before?

does turning another year older mean i'll feel differently from one year to the next?

i think aging has more to do with seasons in your life than with the number of your years.

and so i don't feel right now that the age of 33 is drastically different than the age of 32.

this season in my life right now happens to be pretty predictable.

but ask me a year from now... and a whole lot may have changed.

i don't know what will happen in this next year of my life.

or next season of my life.

i just have to try and live day to day, moment to moment.

i don't know what the future holds... only the One that holds the future!

i need to remind myself of that often.

regularly i have to pinch myself... i have two school aged children and one not far behind!

it doesn't help that lately my girls have taken to wanting to watch old video tape.

they love to see themselves as babies and little toddlers up on the TV screen.

if i'm being honest, i love to watch them too.

i'm a sucker for nostalgia!

i love to remember those moments.

and, in hindsight, those moments when i had little ones at home were wonderful!

i almost can't remember the "bad" times... but i know they were there.

there are times i wish i could transport myself back to those simpler times.

when i could just be at home... in pajamas with my girls... all day long... nowhere to be... no one to see.

and then i get sad.

and i think of all the wasted moments i've had in my life.

the times i've brushed my kids off when they wanted to play, "mommy's busy", "mommy's working", "mommy's tired".

and i wish i could grab hold of that mama and say, "STOP!  stop what you're doing!"

pay attention to those little ones.

they won't be little ones forever.

the dishes can wait... supper can be take-out again... those emails can be answered later...

and i think, why couldn't i have paid more attention and treasured those moments when they were small.

and then i pinch myself AGAIN!

and i realize... they ARE still small.

they ARE still young.

i may not be super mom.

they may not always have the healthiest of meals because their favorite food is noodles.

they may have dirt behind their ears because i didn't want to fight to get them in the bath again.

they're not gonna remember if our house was spotless or if all their laundry was clean.

but i know they'll remember the laughing, the playing, the creating.

this is a challenge to myself in this next year to maximize my time.

to be more intentional with my children... to stop wasting moments... and to stop feeling guilty.

motherhood is hard enough.

i will use the opportunity of my birthday and the new "year" upon me to be the best ME i can.

Lord willing, i'll do some good things this year and use the mistakes to grow and learn from.