Friday, April 19, 2013

hola amigas!

do you like how i used the feminine form of friend in spanish...
i wrote that because i'm almost positive that there's no men but my husband that read here, right?
so i should say... hola amigas... and hola marido (husband).
you know, i did take spanish class in college.
and that was the perfect segway into this post...
it's a post to let you know a little bit more about me.
so here goes nothing:

//my favorite candy flavor is always grape... but i actually don't really like real grapes.
these are my ultimate number one sugary, sour candy choice.

//i lived in germany for 3 months when i was in high school.
while there, i gained about 20-25 lbs eating fresh bread and pastries almost every day.
i came back and people didn't recognize me.
including my own boyfriend (clearly these were the days before email and emailing pictures).
they had to do a double take.
i literally left as a child and came back a woman, if you know what i mean.
very obviously... these are the before germany pictures.
as you can see, this is the child body i left canada with:

and these are the end of germany trip pictures.
these two pictures were taken within the last couple of weeks before i left.
can you even recognize me?
i'm a little, ahem... rounder, should we say?
that's me, smack dab in the middle of the group shot with the 'faded in all the wrong places' jeans.
and plaid pants were not a good idea.
but i was extremely excited about shopping at H&M at the time.

this next picture makes me laugh.
that's me in the middle of a bunch of my friends at the airport the day i arrived back home.
most of them are scared of me, it looks like, and taking a giant step backward.
it's like they're nervous of my extra poundage or something.
even my then boyfriend is looking awkward there in the plaid shirt and cap.
like he's saying, "yeah, umm... so about your new look."


//my parents totally spoiled me and got me special treats and toys for random holidays (besides christmas) when i was little.
clearly i was a bit of a brat because for valentine's day when i was 7, i received a popple.
remember those guys?
anyway, i was NOT happy to receive one because what i really wanted was a cabbage patch preemie.
i think when i was on my own i even cried and threw my popple across the bedroom.
i'm laughing and cringing while reminiscing about that!
i'm glad i've grown up a LOT since then.
remembering this, gives me hope that even when my kids are acting spoiled that they won't always be brats the rest of their lives.
oh, by the way, i still have that popple... and the preemie, that i got about 10 months later at christmas.
can you still see the love i have for marielle crystal?
this is where my fascination with babies began.


//when i was a child i preferred to watch the advertisements to the tv programs.
i absolutely loved commercials!
i even wrote advertisements for a radio station in my early 20's as a job.
but tv commercials were still my first love.
this was one of my favorites as a child. (yes, i had the waterfall playset. do you have to ask?)
this one is more current and makes me cry. every. single. time.
and this is the newest one that makes me almost pee my pants.
so, as you can see, my love really hasn't died.
i just don't watch them as much now because of the PVR era.
sigh... those days are just gone... unless i happen to watch tv with the girls and catch a glimpse of the kiddie commercials again.

//my favorite yogurt is coconut greek yogurt.

//i was 16 the first time i went camping.
it was with my youth group from church and i hated it.
we slept in tents, in the cold and some wild animal (a fox?) stole one of my shoes during the night.
when i married big m, he told me he hoped we'd camp when we had kids one day.
i snickered and said, "yeah right!"
and now i'm a camping woman... and i love it.
but it's also, of course, because we 'camp' in a trailer, not in a tent.



//i love dip, i love barbecue sauce, i love fancy mustards, i love gravy.
i like all sauce.
i do not like anything plain when i eat it.
it usually has to be drenched in some kind of saucy goodness.

//i was browsing some blogs the other day and saw this picture:
i got all excited when i noticed the sweet clogs on her feet.
i was thrilled because i owned an almost exact replica pair...
i wore them day in and day out in grade 10.
no lie.
i scrounged my basement (i'm a bit of a hoarder but i'm getting better) and after a while...
i realized i must have parted with them a few years prior.
i could cry.
there's a reason my mother has saved so much stuff from over the years.
it's true what they say... things generally come back into fashion.
sigh... i wish i still had my sweet wooden aldo clogs.
they even had a cute burn stamp of a flower on the side.
sniff... sniff.

//i'm a birth doula and have been since 2005.
i am certified through DONA, doulas of north america, which is the premier worldwide doula association.
i love the work and the vision behind the job.
i absolutely love watching the every day miracle of birth and seeing my clients achieve their goals.
watching a baby being born never gets old.
it's fascinating and amazing and so fresh, each and every time.
and i'm so excited that my next client is a dear friend.
i can't wait to support her and her husband!!

that's it for now... mi amigas!
maybe you learned something new about me... maybe not.
but there you go... randomness.
you know, the stuff i'm really good at!

Monday, April 8, 2013

dance like no one's watching!

we had a crazy dance weekend.
yes... i'm a dance mom.
not the crazy, have your own TLC reality show, kinda dance mom.
or worse yet... slice tv reality show.
just the "i have three daughters and they're all in dance" kinda dance mom.
and it's great... it really is!
i love to watch them dance.
it's one of my greatest joys!
i'm so proud of them when i get to see them perform.
and this weekend was no exception.
it was the recital for the littlest two.
it's too bad not all 3 got to dance in the same recital but that's the way it is.
big k will have her recital at the end of may.
anyway, saturday was all about baby h... with her very first dance recital.
and little k... her first recital with 2 separate dances, one ballet and one tap.
the day, which started at 8:30 when we left our house and ended at 6:30 when we got home, wasn't without it's share of meltdowns, tears, a bit of yelling, frenzied rushing and sweat (me, not them).
but, all in all, it was worth it to see their beautiful faces smiling on stage and their little toes twirling!
i am a dance mom... yes, i am.
and maybe, just maybe, i'm a little more like those reality tv mamas than i care to admit.
enjoy a few shots from the day!
driving into the city... she was SO pumped that it was finally recital day.
dress rehearsal... before makeup and 'done up' hair.


 again, dress rehearsal.


 make up done... smiling big!!!!
 proud dance mamas... at their finest!!
shut the front door!!!!
can you even take the cuteness??
the fake smiles are starting to make their way out by this time... clearly.
performance time!!!
all done up!



my sweet grandma came to watch her little great grand daughters dance too.
oh boy, do they love her!
it's so very special to have her there too.
we are so proud of these girlies and so happy they've found something they love to do.
we will keep encouraging them to do it if they love it.
yes, these days are stressful and nuts but they're also so lovely and full of so many special moments.
capturing just a few of those instances is worth it.
great job girlies!
keep dancing like no one's watching!
your mama loves you!

Monday, April 1, 2013

easter

this easter has been a good one...
but also difficult in ways.
i feel like my brokenness and sin were very highlighted.
this isn't necessarily a bad thing.
it's good because it just confirms my very need for a saviour.
singing songs on good friday at church was very emotional for me.
thinking of Jesus... and all He does for me.
and then thinking about me... and all i don't do for Him.
let's just say the tears were a flowin'!
He gave up absolutely everything for me.
can i say that i would do the same for Him?
i like to cling tight to the things of this world.
i like my home, my community, my church, my friends, my family.
and oh boy... do i love my children and husband.
these aren't bad things to love.
of course not!
but do i put these things above God?
because if i do, then i'm treating them just like idols.
i love my Jesus... but am i willing to give it all up for Him?
losing everything like He did for me?
so this is what i'm struggling and grappling with.
it is hard... but good.
re-evaluating my life... desperately trying to make sure i'm not living luke warm.
and in the midst, i'm still so thankful for easter and what it means to us as christians.
He died... so that we may live!
wow!
so undeserved... but it's completely free for us.
the price has been paid in full.
what will i do with this good news of mine?






egg hunt pictures from easter sunday morning with my little girlies.

Saturday, March 23, 2013

anger

not sure where the anger is popping out of today...
but it's here.
and i hate it when it rears it's ugly head.
i just had a bad mealtime fight with my littlest.
not sure why i always have the need to control her eating habits.
maybe because she's always been on the tinier side i feel the need to "help" her.
really, she'll eat when she's hungry, right?
but yet, here i am, anxious and upset that she's sitting at the table for over an hour and has only taken one bite.
one bite.
ugh!
and that one bite was forced by me.
her mom.
tears and yelling.
that's what this lunchtime was.
and i hate it.
i finally just put her down for her nap because i was just too frustrated.
again, not sure where the anger is coming from today.
just knowing that i need some grace...
major grace.
here i am, failing, as usual.
and she's sound asleep and i'm the one with tears now.
feeling like i should go wake her up and cuddle her and apologize.
just keepin' it real today...

Friday, March 22, 2013

today i'm thankful...

i've said it before... and i'll continue to say it.
when i'm running alone, it's my time with Jesus... and i love that.
i pump my worship music and i go.
i'm sure cars driving by just stop and stare... and probably laugh a bit too.
i like to wave my arms,
sing out loud,
and generally make a fool out of myself.
but when i'm feeling it... really feeling it... i can't help it.
i turn into a praisy-pentecostal-arm-raisin' lady of the Lord!
ha!
especially today.
with a mild temperature (-2 celsius!) and the sun in it's full blown glory,
i couldn't help but sing praises to my King.
thank you Jesus for the small things today...
for legs that run,
for the bright sun shining down on me on my run,
for no pain in my knees on my run,
for mostly dry pavement on my run (yay... no slipping on ice!),
and for awe inspiring music on my run.
God, you are good... so good to me!
(yes... how i love the SUN!!!!  the glorious SUN!!)

Friday, March 15, 2013

my tan is slowly fading...

and i'm wishing i was here again...
or here...
or even here... with the lines and copious amounts of people.
at least it was warm!
really i'd be happy to be anywhere warm...
instead of here.
don't you like that i still have some christmas decor up?
can you blame me when there's still so much snow and cold temperatures?
oh, don't get me wrong.
i love where i live. (especially when i hear of the tremors they're feeling exactly where we were in palm desert this week)
i really do... but these extraordinarily long winters can get annoying.
yesterday it was all melty and sunny and felt like spring was around the corner.
today... cold... tomorrow... cold... it's just staying... COLD.
you wanna know what i really wish i could do?
i wish i could gather all the ones i love... and bring them all with me to the warm weather and sunshine!
any lear jets for sale in my price range?
can you tell i'm procrastinating and not hopping on the treadmill like i should be?
i'm writing a pointless blog post instead.
sigh...
motivation... yoo-whooo!!  where are you?!?!?

Friday, March 8, 2013

diving in

while on vacation in palm desert over the past couple of weeks, my oldest daughter learnt to dive.
with so much pool action happening, it was the perfect time to teach her.
honestly, she probably got it on the second or third try.
it was no problem for her.
it just came easily.
but i wonder if it would have been difficult, would she have kept trying?
i like to believe yes.
but when i'm trying to "dive" into something and it doesn't come easily...
what do i do?
to be honest, i give up quite a lot.
i'm not proud of this.
it's something i'm working on.
remember... my word for the year?
change.
little by little, i'm trying failing to change.
and i think i've finally figured out the problem.
i'm trying to do it on my own.
yet again.
duh...
you think after all these years i'd have enough sense to know i can't do it alone.
that i never will be able to do it on my own.
no, not ever.
i need Jesus.
i need Him.
for sure today, most definitely tomorrow and always in the future.
my weaknesses are too great.
and when i think of how pathetic and selfish i can be...
well, let's just say it can get quite depressing and overwhelming.
how can i ever change?
my God's grace IS, however, big enough for me.
not when i'm changed... but NOW!
right in this moment... when i'm scarred, when i'm broken down, when i'm tired and frustrated.
when i've hurt others, when they've hurt me, when i make mistakes.
His grace is sufficient for me.
and because of that...
i can just dive right in!
and not only into those safe and secure pools...
i can dive right into the ocean... wide, deep, dark and expansive.
some of those closest to me know that my greatest fear is the deep ocean.
and even there...
especially there my Saviour is with me.
knowing that He's there to pull me out of the crashing waves, no matter how strong the undercurrent is, gives me peace.
and confidence.
even when i'm down and out.
so, i'm going to have to try diving in...
and trusting that i'll never sink.