mediocre

i wear many hats.
as in, i do many different things.
not to be confused with putting actual hats on my head.
(i actually rarely wear hats in real life... i don't think i'm a hat kinda girl)
i'm on a few committees.
i basically hold three different jobs outside of the home.
i have a bunch of different friend groups.
my hand is in many pots.
i'm a jack (jill?) of all trades, i guess you could say.
why is that?
is it just my nature to be involved in many different commitments and areas?
yes, i would say that i like to help out where i can.
but i will admit that i also do a lot in my life because i feel like i should.
now... there's a difference between should and can... and should and want to.
isn't there?
i'm fully guilty of saying yes because i don't want to disappoint people.
if you can't already tell, i'm a people pleaser!  ;)

i know i'm capable of many things.
am i really, really good at them all?
no.
i would say i'm pretty mediocre at most of them.
i was never the top of my class.
i was never the most popular girl.
i was certainly never the best player on any team i played on (even though i played on them all).
i was just ok.
i didn't fail at things (except for grade 9 english class... oops!).
i was just there, doing my thing.
and i'm still just there... doing my thing.
it might not be the most recognizable roles out there.
no one may ever see the tasks i complete or exactly how i'm impacting others.
it may only ever be Jesus that sees how worthy i am.

and even if i think, in my own little mind, that i'm merely just mediocre...
my Jesus believes it to be true that i'm far from ordinary.
He created me unique and special.
one of a kind.

"i will offer You my grateful heart, 
for i am Your unique creation, 
filled with wonder and awe.
You have approached even the smallest details with excellence;
Your works are wonderful;
i carry this knowledge deep within my soul."
pslam 139:14

i claim this for my daughters and tell them this all the time.
why can i not do it for myself?
why is it so difficult to say and announce as truth?
i feel almost terrible when i say that i'm good at something.
i believe this is pretty common in most women.

and i will say that i probably hold back in sharing my gifts because i might offend or hurt someone.
isn't that sad?
my Jesus says He delights in me!
He loves me!
and He wants me to believe that i'm not just mediocre.
i'm created exactly how i'm supposed to be.
i just need to claim it and live it!
and revel in His glory... and His affirmation.

"the Lord your God is in your midst;
He is a warrior who can deliver.
He takes great delight in you;
He renews you by his love;
He shouts for joy over you.”
zephaniah 3:17