when they're good enough

taking care of my chillins (children) has been draining and straining the last couple of weeks.
i'm not sure if it's because of the constant bickering, the deliberate disobedience, the whining, the talking back, the disrespect, the lack of sleep...
or just a kamikaze combination of everything.
it's been difficult, to say the least.

and i'm embarrassed to say i've been the snap-case mom as of late.
a lot of yelling, a lot of tears, a lot of anger.
it hasn't been pretty.
i just keep thinking, "plow through... plow through... it's gonna get better."
"it's just a stage they're going through."
"they'll start listening soon enough."
"consistency is key!"

i just feel so overwhelmed some days but i remind myself that it doesn't last forever.
well, i had a little bit of an epiphany today.
i know well indeed that these girls of mine won't stay little forever.
i have always known that.
but i still expect so much from them.
i feel like when they're disobedient or whatever (insert sinful nature here) that life is that much more frustrating.

today i realized that they will never be good enough.
they will never measure up and suddenly be perfectly well behaved children.
they will continue to do frustrating things and keep acting childish... because... well...
do i need to spell it out?
they ARE children.
duh!
i certainly don't have it all together... so why should they?
how can i be so clueless sometimes?

i think the Lord is teaching me to be ok in the chaos.
i think He's quietly whispering to me... "this is your life right now... get used to it!"
instead of wishing for them to be better, act better, do better.
i need to embrace who they are right now.
not who they can be.

and the craziness of our schedules?
well, i think i just need to roll with it.
look at the beauty in it.
we may not get the best balanced meals all the time.
my girls may show up at school with mismatched socks and unbrushed hair.
my toilets may go too long without a good cleaning.
home reading and piano practicing might not happen as often as they should.
and my hair just won't get washed as often as i'd like it to!

all of these things are ok.
it's my season.
and if i continue to wish for better behaved children and more time to breathe...
suddenly they will not be children anymore, and they will be out of my house.
and as far as my children being good enough...
Lord, forgive me!!
He continues to show ME so much grace and mercy, day after day, after day!
how can i not bestow an ounce of that on my little girls?

i need to be like Him.
they make mistakes... i make mistakes.
we ALL need grace and mercy and forgiveness.
and i need to focus on all the great things going on and offer my life as thanksgiving to Him.
the life i have now!
the messiness and the beauty... all wrapped into one.
it's not a picture perfect package, but it's mine.

(just to keep is all real... i know there's a lot of smiles and happy faces in these pictures, but it wasn't all like that... to be honest, when we tried to take that family picture?  it was chaos. my older two were hitting one another, for who even knows what reason, and crying ensued.  we had to take a time out.  then start up again... all to get just one decent picture.  again... just keepin' it real!)