Thursday, September 23, 2010

ACK!!!!

in t minus 48 hours, i will be running my first half marathon. i almost threw up a little in my mouth when i wrote that. what am i doing? seriously, i ask myself the same thing all the time. yes, i can back out at any time. but do i want to? do i seriously want to? no. i really do want to do a half marathon. jeez, i know it's gonna be hard. dang hard. but i've been training. my long runs were tough. but they're not supposed to be easy. not everyone is supposed to be able to run long distances. near the end of 9 miles, 10 miles... i felt my legs go numb. almost like i had jelly legs. surprisingly, now after being completely conditioned, there's no issue of breathing. M laughed at me the other day b/c i had told him my friend D and i were talking on a lot of the run. he said, "how can you run when you're talking?!" and i said, "easy!" and it's true. plus, when you've been running for an hour and a half, it gets kinda boring. especially when all you're doing on your route in going the same 4 mile perimeter a couple times. so we visit and chat once in a while. and i quite enjoy it. however, thinking about having to now run 13.1 miles... ay yi yi! that is a whole different ball game. thankfully my dear friend D is running with me, so at least i have some support. but, she ain't gonna carry me, my friends. i have to do the work myself. and that's what scares me so. i have to put one foot in front of the other and move. the distance is daunting. it's the unknown. how will i do? can i physically do it? can i psychologically do it? i guess that's part of the mystery and intrigue about running a race. i hope i can fair well... and well, if i don't, i hope i can at least finish. only God knows how i'll do... and it's comforting to know that He's right there beside me, another running partner. for this, my first half marathon... and more importantly, in life. so, as i sit here, thinking about all the carbs i need to inhale in the next 48 hours, the miles my little legs are going to be running, the music that's going to be pulsing through my ipod, i'm reminded that even though running is an individual sport, you don't ever have to be alone.

here's my little feet and little shoes that will (hopefully) push me to the finish line!!!!

my "in the flesh" running partner. this was before our 10 mile run on a cool morning.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

what the world needs more of...

more babies in tights...

more big, huge, fun, jumpy, thingys...

more hannah montana hair glitter...

more potato head families...

more babies drinking mexican beer...

that is all.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

letting go

this whole notion of letting go is tough. it's a tough thing for a parent to deal with. i've been a stay at home mom, for the most part, for over 6 years now. and yes, there are days that just seem to be running... running into the next and the next. the kids are crabby, not listening... what have you. but there are moments of beautiful too. and those moments fill me up. they allow this motor to keep runing. not without a lot of prayer too. and as i reflect on all those special memories that i've made with my children, especially K#1 as she's now started 1st grade, i realize that i need to keep getting on my knees. even more now. it is scary letting her go. she is now spending more time at school and with her friends, than she is with me at home. that breaks my heart and makes me nervous. will she still want to listen to me? want to come to me for advice? will she acknowledge the things that i want to teach her? will she still want to spend time with me? cuddle with me? come to me when she's hurt, either physically or emotionally? i pray that she does. there is a tiny part of me that is so worried that now i've lost her. but was she ever really "mine" to begin with? i think not. she is just lent to me from a Saviour that loves me more than i can ever love her. and i'm blessed enough that He found me adequate to care for her. relinquishing control is probably one of the hardest things about this whole situation. i just need to trust that the Lord is taking care of her when i'm not around, and even when i'm there full time. His hand is always on her. that does give me a nugget of peace. and i will hold steady to that truth because right now, that's all i have.

a first day of school shot of K1! :)