Thursday, September 16, 2010

letting go

this whole notion of letting go is tough. it's a tough thing for a parent to deal with. i've been a stay at home mom, for the most part, for over 6 years now. and yes, there are days that just seem to be running... running into the next and the next. the kids are crabby, not listening... what have you. but there are moments of beautiful too. and those moments fill me up. they allow this motor to keep runing. not without a lot of prayer too. and as i reflect on all those special memories that i've made with my children, especially K#1 as she's now started 1st grade, i realize that i need to keep getting on my knees. even more now. it is scary letting her go. she is now spending more time at school and with her friends, than she is with me at home. that breaks my heart and makes me nervous. will she still want to listen to me? want to come to me for advice? will she acknowledge the things that i want to teach her? will she still want to spend time with me? cuddle with me? come to me when she's hurt, either physically or emotionally? i pray that she does. there is a tiny part of me that is so worried that now i've lost her. but was she ever really "mine" to begin with? i think not. she is just lent to me from a Saviour that loves me more than i can ever love her. and i'm blessed enough that He found me adequate to care for her. relinquishing control is probably one of the hardest things about this whole situation. i just need to trust that the Lord is taking care of her when i'm not around, and even when i'm there full time. His hand is always on her. that does give me a nugget of peace. and i will hold steady to that truth because right now, that's all i have.

a first day of school shot of K1! :)

No comments: