Wednesday, May 1, 2013

running woes

so i've been down the past few weeks.
i've not been able to run for almost 4 weeks because of knee pain/issues.
i'm trying not to make a big deal of it because i know people have so much more on their plates.
but it's been a real struggle.
i guess i didn't know how much running meant to me and my mental well being until it was taken away.
i've been to physio for a few weeks now.
they originally thought it was my IT band.
i've had issues with it before, and it is a common running injury/pain.
but with work on it, it wasn't getting any better.
so today they reassessed and now they're thinking its my meniscus.
it is not a tear or anything that severe... but it's been aggravated.
i'm not sure why some people are more prone to this type of injury...
but yay me... i'm one of these people. (note the sarcasm)
so for now, i have to stay off it.
this is really frustrating.
i was training for a half marathon that's taking place this sunday, may 5th.
i will now consider my race fees a donation to the cause.
at least i get a tshirt out of the deal?
don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing.
who wears tshirts for races you've not completed... or even attended?
sort of embarrassing.
maybe it'll be my new paint shirt.
being in this place is hard.
i know that God is teaching me something in the process.
i'm sure of it.
but right now i just have pain and frustration.
and i'm just trying to deal with it.
driving home from my appointment today an old worship song popped into my head.
i haven't thought of this song in years...
but i know that God was bringing it to me at this moment.

I cry out,
For Your hand of mercy to heal me.
I am weak,
I need Your love to free me.
Oh, Lord, my Rock,
My strength in weakness,
Come rescue me, oh Lord.

You are my hope,
Your promise never fails me.
And my desire is to follow You forever.

For You are good,
For You are good,
For You are good to me
For You are good,
For You are good,
For You are good to me

i sat in my car and cried.
God is so good to me.
and knowing that this is His plan, gives me peace.
it may not be what i want right now, but i put my hope in Him.
He still loves me.
nothing has changed... and maybe it's not my knee that needs healing.
i'm pretty sure He's just using my knee pain to get through to other areas of my life.
"yes, God... i am realizing this.", i say to Him.
and i am trying to listen and obey.
this is something i teach my kids... and something that i need lots of extra help in.
i want to do things my way.
i just want to get things done.
i'm a planner... an organizer (sometimes chaotic organizer?? doing a million things at once)... and a helper.
i just want to do.
you know... what do i need to do to make this better?
there isn't always an easy answer and this is hard for my heart and mind to process.
but i'm learning.
and regardless of how i'm doing...
i know He is always good to me.

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