a big day

i have less than an hour to write a couple of thoughts down on here space.
today is my baby's fifth birthday.
FIVE!

every birthday is a milestone for each of my girls, but the fifth one was always big.
turning five meant you get to go to kindergarten.
and today just happens to be HER first day of kindergarten!
such an exciting time for children.
such a dreaded time for a lot of mamas out there.
i'm one of those.
baby h... my little sidekick will now be away from me every day for a few hours.
it's exciting and heart palpitation inducing, bittersweet and heart-renching all at once.
i'm a jumble of emotions and i'm hanging by just a thread.
yet, she. is. so. happy.
to her, five is the number she's been waiting for!

five means independence, new adventures, fun, fun and more fun!
she's so ready... so why aren't i?
i long for the days that i could hold her in my arms and rock her 'til she fell asleep.
where she relied on me for everything.
yes, they were exhausting... i was sleep deprived... cranky, i'm sure of it.
but looking through the lens of rose colored nostalgia, it's everything that i'm missing now!
sure, i'll have some more freedom.
i'll be able to have time to devote to other hobbies, people, community, church, etc.
those things are all good too, i recognize it.
but it's still a tough day.
like a double whammy... her fifth birthday and her first day of kindergarten all in one day.
almost too much for this mama to handle!
i got a text with instructions to turn the music up real loud... and dance around naked.
i might leave out the last part for today... but i'll take her advice and dance to some loud music.
a tear or two might fall from my eyes and maybe i'll just say it's the spirit of the music that's running through me!
and not the fact that my babies are growing before my eyes!
carpe diem!
thank you Lord for every good and perfect gift!
even the ones that are bittersweet!

beach pics by my talented friend charmaine toews.