sometimes it's hard to explain...
my kids have been tough work lately.
i've been feeling like a failure of a mom.
remember, i have three girls.
girls = drama + oversensitivity
add on to the fact that i have a 2 year old.
which means general naughtiness is added to the equation.
she has been extremely difficult as of late.
she used to be so easy going.
i love her to bits and pieces...
but she is EXHAUSTING.
i literally have to keep an eye on her at all times.
i'm on my treadmill.
i have her downstairs with me.
she's playing in her play kitchen.
she finds a little teapot.
i knew exactly what she wanted to do.
"do NOT put water in there, missy."
she starts walking up the stairs...
"do NOT put water in that teapot!"
i hop off the treadmill...
bolt up the stairs...
hear the faucet.
she's filling up the little teapot.
there's water EVERYWHERE.
she gets in trouble ("i'm trouble, trouble, trouble, mama?" "YES!")
we clean it up.
oh, she finds yet another teapot.
up the stairs again...
except more water.
give up on the treadmill.
sit her down to watch a show so i can shower in peace.
hop into the shower.
wash as quickly as possible.
turn off the taps... hear something happening on the other side of the house.
run to see what's up...
you guessed it.
another teapot... this one has the added bonus of batteries in it b/c it sings.
directly under the flowing faucet, full of water... another puddle on the ground.
Lord, help me.
this was only at 9:30am.
just to say that the little one has been having lots of obedience issues lately.
and middle child?
well, she's always always sensitive... aka whiney.
and the oldest... well, that's a whole 'nother story.
what i'm getting at is that mothering in the past couple of weeks has been hard.
the difficult stuff seems to be outweighing the joyful parts right now.
and i hate it when it's like that.
do i think it's a coincidence that my prayers for the past month have gone like this:
"God, you know i'm anxious about leaving my girls when we go away on our trip.
it's not them i'm worried about...
i know they're in good hands.
it's me i'm worried about.
they really are my life right now.
i'm with one or all of them almost constantly.
day in, day out.
can i survive 2+ weeks without my girls?
please, please take away my fears... my anxiety about leaving them.
help me to do well... help me to have a great time away."
that has been my constant prayer.
is God preparing me to leave my girls?
have they been acting up b/c it's just reinforcing the idea that i do indeed need a break?
i need to get away?
i'm not sure...
but whatever the case, my prayers are being answered.
i know it's not forever.
it's just a couple of weeks.
i know they'll have so much fun without us...
so i need to have lots of fun without them too.
husband and i... yup, we need it!
it's been almost 9 years since we've been away on a holiday ALONE.
yup, i think it's definitely time.
we will go!
and then we'll come home again.
and a time will come where i'll hardly remember that i was even gone.
i just have to keep plugging away.
and as i go through the trenches of motherhood... day after day... i will cling to this verse:
So don't get tired of doing what is good.
Don't get discouraged and give up, for we will reap a harvest of blessing at the appropriate time.