Thursday, April 19, 2012

give me a break!

it's one of those days.
sometimes it's hard to explain...
my kids have been tough work lately.
i've been feeling like a failure of a mom.
remember, i have three girls.
girls = drama + oversensitivity
add on to the fact that i have a 2 year old.
which means general naughtiness is added to the equation.
she has been extremely difficult as of late.
she used to be so easy going.
now... ugh!
i love her to bits and pieces...
but she is EXHAUSTING.
i literally have to keep an eye on her at all times.
this morning,
i'm on my treadmill.
i have her downstairs with me.
she's playing in her play kitchen.
she finds a little teapot.
i knew exactly what she wanted to do.
"do NOT put water in there, missy."
she starts walking up the stairs...
"do NOT put water in that teapot!"
she disappears.
i hop off the treadmill...
bolt up the stairs...
hear the faucet.
she's filling up the little teapot.
there's water EVERYWHERE.
she gets in trouble ("i'm trouble, trouble, trouble, mama?" "YES!")
we clean it up.
downstairs again.
oh, she finds yet another teapot.
up the stairs again...
same thing.
except more water.
give up on the treadmill.
sit her down to watch a show so i can shower in peace.
hop into the shower.
wash as quickly as possible.
turn off the taps... hear something happening on the other side of the house.
run to see what's up...
you guessed it.
another teapot... this one has the added bonus of batteries in it b/c it sings.
directly under the flowing faucet, full of water... another puddle on the ground.
Lord, help me.
this was only at 9:30am.
i don't need to tell you more about the day...
just to say that the little one has been having lots of obedience issues lately.
and middle child?
well, she's always always sensitive... aka whiney.
and the oldest... well, that's a whole 'nother story.
what i'm getting at is that mothering in the past couple of weeks has been hard.
the difficult stuff seems to be outweighing the joyful parts right now.
and i hate it when it's like that.
do i think it's a coincidence that my prayers for the past month have gone like this:

"God, you know i'm anxious about leaving my girls when we go away on our trip.
it's not them i'm worried about...
i know they're in good hands.
it's me i'm worried about.
they really are my life right now.
i'm with one or all of them almost constantly.
day in, day out.
can i survive 2+ weeks without my girls?
please, please take away my fears... my anxiety about leaving them.
help me to do well... help me to have a great time away."

that has been my constant prayer.
is God preparing me to leave my girls?
have they been acting up b/c it's just reinforcing the idea that i do indeed need a break?
i need to get away?
i'm not sure...
but whatever the case, my prayers are being answered.
as each day passes, i am more and more prepared to leave them.
i know it's not forever.
it's just a couple of weeks.
i know they'll have so much fun without us...
so i need to have lots of fun without them too.
husband and i... yup, we need it!
it's been almost 9 years since we've been away on a holiday ALONE.
no kids.
yup, i think it's definitely time.
we will go!
and then we'll come home again.
and a time will come where i'll hardly remember that i was even gone.
i just have to keep plugging away.
and as i go through the trenches of motherhood... day after day... i will cling to this verse:

So don't get tired of doing what is good.
Don't get discouraged and give up, for we will reap a harvest of blessing at the appropriate time.
Galatians 6:9


Elissa said...

Oh man, I totally remember those weeks before we left on our trip-- definitely some of the most frustrating weeks. I remember saying to people more than once that I think God was helping me along in the process of leaving them by making those kids extra difficult! I had a hard time leaving our kids... it was the first time we'd ever been away from them over night,,, but I knew we needed it. And we did. It was the perfect trip to be away from the kids-- so busy and so exciting that you don't have time to sit and miss them. We still did skype in the evenings with them when we could-- but time alone-- just us-- was SO needed! I'm excited for you! You're going to have such a fantastic time!!
I keep trying to think of things I should tell you-- honestly-- just try your best to see everything BUT don't be afraid to head back to your hotel for a nap or two before dinner :) That was needed too! I honestly can't remember the names of any restaurants we ate at or any of the streets but it was all good. I don't think we had any bad food experiences. Eat lots of pasta, cheese pizza, drink a lot of wine! I'm pretty sure that all the wine (even the really cheap stuff) is fantastic in Italy.
We really loved Florence-- it was hot, and busy, but so easy to get around and see everything. I kind of wish we'd downloaded some audio tours for some of the big stops (museums/churches) to listen to on our phones/ipods... that might be nice to have.
The cinque terre is so spectacular-- you're going to love it. Manarola is perfect. I wish we could have stayed longer and seen more-- hopefully you'll have some warm sunny weather! Yup, Vernazza and Monterosso were not up and running when we were in the area. The trains stopped at the stations but we were told that there was nothing there for tourists. The locals were out and about in the towns-- so you could get off the train and look around but there wasn't really anything to do. A lot of the trails connecting the towns were closed-- that was a bummer. I wish I remembered the name of the little shop where I got my little antique prints of florence but I don't-- but if you cross the bridge at ponte vecchio (to the opposite side of the uffizi gallery and palazzo della signoria) and take a right you'll make your way down a tight street lined with tons of little shops. It was a on the side of the street that was closest to the river. There is so much good shopping in florence-- you'll love it.
Anyways-- hope the days leading up to your trip aren't too stressful. It's going to be worth it!!!

Elissa said...

Oh, and if you have extra time in the cinque terre you should check out levanto. (The next stop after Monterosso when you're heading north). It's a pretty cute town-- bigger than the other ones-- but has a nice long sandy beach. It would be a nice place to relax if you have any warm beach weather!