i 'm not volunteering for more than a couple of things...
i only involve each of my girls in one extra curricular activity a week...
i try not to say 'yes' to everything and everyone...
yet, i still feel pretty overwhelmed at times.
yeah, sure... not everyone can see it.
i'm pretty good at putting on a 'brave' face and fighting through the emotions and exhaustion.
but sometimes they just spill over.
and you know what?
it's ok to show we have weaknesses... it's ok to show others we do NOT have it all together.
because i certainly don't have it all together.
far from it.
so why do i pretend i do?
i know a part of it is that i never want to make my issues and problems seem like they're bigger than someone else's.
jeez... there are people with marriage disasters... people who are sick... people dealing with death.
but my overwhelming need to hide my hurts in order to hold space for other's pain isn't always healthy OR helpful.
i've learned that sharing my pain, even if it's not as 'big' as someone else's is still important.
we need to feel like we aren't alone in the ways we are feeling.
the people that love you want to hear about your pain... just like you want to hear about theirs.
why has it taken me long to figure that out?
i have no idea.
(we are all a bit different and weird... like these awesome carrots remind me. don't be afraid to show your true self!! ha!)
i had a MOPS committee meeting last night and honestly, i wasn't in the mood to go.
i was emotionally tired, physically drained.
not in a good state.
i showed up in a bad mood, hiding behind a fake smile.
i should have prayed about my attitude before i went.
i should have given my thoughts to God and let Him take over...
let Him show that i wasn't negative about the MOPS stuff... but i was letting negativity ruin my input.
it wasn't horrible or anything and i know that no one probably noticed my 'mood' but me.
once i got home, i had the overwhelming urge to email each of those women to apologize.
to apologize for how i acted and reacted during the meeting.
i felt bad for bringing my negativeness to the table.
it was just something i needed to do.
as i suspected, each of these women gave me the assurance that it was a safe place to share.
that we can hold each other accountable.
and they each gave me a nugget of encouragement and the offer to pray.
(yes, i totally wear this headband when i run... and yes, it's totally true!!)
and, like i also suspected, none of them even noticed that i was different or overtly negative.
i was focused on myself... instead of God and the work He is doing in our group.
i think the exhaustion, both physical and emotional, had taken it's toll.
and you wanna know the funny thing?
i woke up this morning, determined to try and change my attitude...
and this is what i read first thing in my email inbox:
could God have hit me over the head any more clearly?
i just laughed!
and thanked Him that He knows exactly what i need and when i need it.
i just have to remember to look to Him and be filled up by Him.
i can't do life on my own without Him.
especially when life is so busy, even when i'm trying to purposefully s l o w d o w n!
and it's alright... it's perfectly fine, even called upon, for us to show our 'cracks' to others.
how can we build each other up without knowing what to fix?
(crazy mama is at it again!! look at the fear in baby h's eyes!)
(apologies for the random not relevant pics... i just hate a post without pictures... so random it is!)